In-Store Music: An Editorial.

 

This is The Chronicles of Trevor, the blog that's never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

Ever noticed the washed-up 5-year-old pop music and overplayed classic songs that play while you're at the supermarket buying your groceries? That's one of the modern mainstays in music nowadays. 

    Back in the late 70s and 80s, stores would play instrumental tunes. Kmart for instance used a track by Mladen Franko and His Orchestra called "Jamboree", which would later on become famous in the vaporwave scene, and be used in a video called "retail", originally uploaded by deleted YouTube channel Alan Grant, but reuploaded to the platform by a handful of other channels.

In 1993, though, one evil company would rise above, with a focus on playing popular music in grocery stores nationwide. This company would be known as the In-Store Audio Network.

I've had a grudge against this company since 2018, when I heard Tom Cochrane's original version of "Life is a Highway" play in my local Stop & Shop. I hate that version with a fiery passion. The loud, high-pitched, tinny harmonica in it is like the world's sharpest needle puncturing through both my eardrums! And I couldn't control it, since I was at a grocery store, and I didn't have headphones. I would rather listen to the 2006 cover of the song by Rascal Flatts, since that's the one I first heard. Cars was my favorite Pixar film then, and the "Life is a Highway" scene has been engraved into my head since then, and I associate the song with Cars. So whenever I hear Tom Cochrane's version, I see this in my mind:

After that, a year later, Aerosmith's song "Cryin'" played, a song that has an unnecessary harmonica solo at the fadeout of the song, using a similar tinny sound as the "LiaH" one. I had to bite my finger (it didn't bleed) to relieve the pain of the devilish screeching. Unfortunately for me, my former school nurse from my elementary school was there, and it made me kinda embarrased.

Later on in 2023, a year after ISAN rebranded to Stingray, one of the worst washed-up pop songs EVER to come out of Canada, "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen, came on, but I didn't freak out. I just said, "Oh God, This song? This is the best thing they could pull out of their butt? If so, what the heck!" I've hated this song ever since its debut, since the otherwise cute and innocent-looking young woman that is Carly Rae Jepsen was singing with God-awful autotuned harmonization that's just bad, and the terribly repetitive lyrics are a nuisance to anyone who wants to keep shopping. But the not-so-redeeming factor of this garbage heap of a song is the orchestral samples in the background. Other that that, I told my stepdad Tom, who works at the deli that the song was on, and that I didn't get angry.

Another pet peeve of Stop & Shop's feed, is the advertisements that play for the products available at S&S, where after the voice-over, usually a woman with terrible vocal fry (I think it's a "how do you do, fellow kids" moment, since that one voice from that certain short video app has it, and the voiceover was talking about hiring and jobs), says the slogan "Stop & Shop. Feed The Moment", a 5-note piano jingle plays, usually twice as loud as the voice-over. It's even more noticable with an ad for products from companies owned by Asians and Pacific Islanders. The male voiceover was very quiet, but the Piano jingle was 10 times as loud. It made me think of the Mad Piano from Mario 64 jumpscaring grocery store shoppers. as in this video.

This has been an editorial by the owner and writer of this blog. Thank you for reading.